Sunday, August 28, 2011

School anxiety

Tomorrow is my first day at Baruch College.
Although I have attended college before this is, to me, big girl school. Lol.
I'm nervous and anxious at the same time.
Tomorrow is the first day of my life in New York City.
Everything that I have worked so hard for is finally starting to come back full circle and its so amazing and scary at the same time.
I know that I am over thinking and over dramatizing this all but .... MAN!
If you can't tell, I'm at a loss for words and how to truly describe it all.
I know I should not worry and that everything will be fine but WOW!
Blessed. Fortunate. Humbled. Anxious. Nervous and overwhelmed are just a few words to describe how full of emotions I am right now.
Blessed because I have come so far from the girl living in a trailer park in the WOODS of Florida.
Fortunate, for some many reasons but because although I am unemployed I can provide for my daughter and make her smile. I have been able to pay for all the things she NEEDS and at times the things she wants.
Fortunate to be living. And then to be living in the epicenter of the world going to a GREAT school.
Humbled because that's what life makes you feel when you've come so far. Then to have come so far and know this is only the beginning of so many more beautiful and wonderful things to come is so humbling.
Anxious because tomorrow is what all of this,life, has been leading up to.
Nervous because of the above reason and its my first day of big girl school. Nervous about finding my class, getting there on time, getting Leilani to daycare on time, not making a fool of myself.Packing Leilani a good lunch for tomorrow even though I don't really have lunch food... Oops. Maybe I should have went grocery shopping oh, wait I couldn't because New York City was shut down this weekend due to hurricane Irene.
Overwhelmed in a GREAT way. Overwhelmed by all the positivity the world has coming my way. Overwhelmed with joy and appreciation. Then I'm overwhelmed by TIME. What if I'm late and have to sit next to the sick or smelly kid?

2010 was the hardest year of my life and 2011 has been the best!
What has bought me this FAR is ALWAYS thinking forward and above all else POSITIVE. 
Manifest positivity.