Tuesday, June 28, 2011

WOW! what an insightful day.

I've been working on not letting ANYTHING bog me or my day down. Why? Because why should I? I am lucky enough to live and not have to worry about being overtly oppressed or harassed. The day before the Tsunami hit Japan I got some really bad financial news. I mean really bad and when I heard it I got mad I let it effect my mood and then I told myself okay time for bed, time to let it go. So I did and then when I woke up in the morning I saw the news and was a bit disgusted at myself. Here I was worrying about money while people were minutes away from having their lives literally washed away by a tsunami.
These last few days have been a bit stressful as you know I am unemployed and living with my father, which I choose because I needed time down, dealing with trying to get my daughter into a good school and trying to find out how I'm even going to pay for school at all, amongst many other things.
Anyhow I stopped myself and began to enjoy life again and let go.
Its amazing how much you can learn if you just listen and center yourself.
All the answers you need in life are with in you. Especially as a mother your intuition is off the charts so listen to it.
I had to remind myself that I'm a teen mother. One of the toughest and most determined people you will ever meet in your life is a teen mother. I'm part of a group of young women that decided to not let society effect them or sit and wait for a hand out.
I'm a fighter and through my fight for a better life for my daughter and myself I will succeed.
If you are a teen mom and going to school, work or do both or if you are thinking about going back to school or work congrats to you too. Don't give up and even when you feel you are alone you are not and you too are part of the courageous young moms.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with this post. However, I do know that I centered myself and got answers that I couldn't have gotten any where else. I've learned that if you can not truly control it then let it GO! I was stressing about all the things that I listed above and then I just let it go. Things will work themselves out so don't stress about it.
Tomorrow is my orientation at Baruch, I'm excited.
And today after I had a nice sit down with one of my best friends in the world I came home left my phone inside and took my daughter to the park. Leaving my phone at home was one of the best things I did all day I got to full enjoy my daughter and not be distracted at all.
 Okay I'm done rambling i have to go cook :)
Just remember don't give up!
You're not alone!
Listen to yourself :)
Thank you for reading

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Why do you feel the need to interview me?

One thing that I really do not understand is why "adults" seem the need to ask 101 questions about me, my daughter and her father?
I have people ask me all sorts of questions.
The usual:
  • How old are you?
    • 21
  • How old is she?
    • 5
(doing quick math in their heads... eyes bulge... usually followed by a Wow!)
The one that really bugs me:
  • So where's her father now? (in a condescending tone) You're not together are you?
I don't know if its the question itself that really bugs me or the way in which it is asked.
Me: No, we are...
(interrupt me)
Person: Yeah, of course not
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is my first thought.
Then I just graciously smile and think to myself: if you only knew.

If you only knew that I left her father after almost 6 years of being together because of several reasons. Ranging from abusive behavior, to lack of maturity (which is funny because he is more than a few years older than me) to infidelity. And that while we were together we created a naturing loving environment where our daughter learned that both of her parents love her amongst many other things.
If you only knew that I choose to be a single parent because I wasn't happy and didn't want to raise a child in a relationship that went from loving and respectful to the complete opposite.
If you only knew that one day you might hear or read about me in Forbes, The Times or any other major media publication. So please don't feel pity for me or my daughter because we are doing just fine and after I walk away its just her an I.
The way we both like it.
Then after I have all of these thoughts I wonder why do teen mom/ parents get the third degree and do "grown" adults get the same treatment?
I understand people might but curious as to why/how teenagers become parents but the answer is simple: sex.
That's how anyone or thing becomes a parent. Sex.

Next time you see or meet a teen parent try to have a bit more respect and know that we try hard, just like another parent of any other age group, to do our best and sometimes an encouraging comment is nice to hear.

Now I leave you with a question
Have any of my teen parents experienced something similar and how do you "deal" with it?
Thank you for reading.
and dont forget to check out my other blog http://myfirstyearnyc.blogspot.com/ where I try something for the First time everyday :)

Monday, June 20, 2011

Overwhelemed :)

I feel like I have soo many things that I want to sit down and type but it's a bit overwhelming!
I usually always ponder/worry/ think about mine and my daughters future but lately its been in FULL effect! I need to sit down and just center myself. I know that once I do that things will come to me and make more sense. I just need to relax, center and I.. WE will be fine :)
Feeling optimistic!
Just a little something I had to get out of my head! :)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hot dogs will make you FAT

A few days ago Leilani and I went to a friend's birthday party and of course there was BBQ. When Leilnani was young she had a horrible experience with hot dogs which left her throwing up for hours at a time so she, to this day, will not touch a hot dog. I've also taught Leilani that eating things like hot dogs, hamburger,chips and other things of that nature are unhealthy choices and are okay in moderation but not all the time.
While we were at the BBQ Leilani an I had rice and chicken instead of the hot dogs and chips. However, the other children that came later only had the option of hot dogs and chips.

After we left the birthday party and we were driving back to my sister's house Leilani was telling me all about how she told the kids that they were going to be fat and unhealthy. Me, half listening to her, didn't quite catch what she said and asked her "What did you say," trying not to laugh.

She told me: "Remember those kids that were eating hot dogs and chips? I told them they weren't making healthy choices and were going to get fat because of the food they were eating."

I was mortified and kind of glad at the same time. I was mortified because Leilani had told these kids this while they were simply trying to enjoy their meal and because of the way she told them, but I was happy because this meant that she was listening to what I have been telling her for so long.
So this posed the question to me: "How do I teach Leilani how to make healthy choices and inform kids her age about them with out being rude?"

I still haven't found the answer to this question so please help lol.
Thank you for reading! Sorry its been a while

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Really private school...?

Just like looking for the right daycare looking for the right school can be exhausting, upsetting and rewarding all at the same time. I am a worrier I worry about everything and nothing at the same time. So when I moved to NYC I was worried about finding the right Kindergarten for my daughter. I expressed my concern to my family and they told me to stop because my daughter going to school was about a year away; so I listened and now there are no schools available to put her in!!
Talk about stress!
In NYC it turns out you basically have to enroll your child to a school when you're still pregnant. The wait list are outrageous and most of the charter schools are also full. Being that I start school this Fall I NEED to find a school for my daughter. Now it seems my only option is private school which is fine but... I don't have private school money!
So here I am trying to find ways to pay for my school and my daughters with no job and no idea where to start! I realized not too long ago that I may have to take out a loan for my education but didn't want to take out that much $10K max but now with the cost of private school at $30K I have no idea what to do. I really don't want to take out a loan let alone a HUGE one but I can't put off school or hers!
I don't want to think about it so much but I do have a fast approaching deadline, no money and need a plan!
I know this is more of a rant then anything else but I am at a lost.
The up side to all of this is that I will be able to research new ways to make money, research how loans work because if I do end up getting one I want to understand what I'm getting myself into and that I can choose a school that's more to mine and my daughters liking. So far I have found a school that teaches mostly in French and English.
Hey if I'm going to take out a loan to pay for private school I'm going to get as much as I can out of it!

If you have any ideas or know of a good school in NYC PLEASE I repeat PLEASE let me know!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Too Much Suagr Mommy

Some of my sisters especially Raven, the oldest, likes to tease me about being a "health nut". Personally I don't think I am, I just like to eat healthy foods, try new foods and different exercises methods. Because I watch what I eat I also watch and monitor what my daughter eats and make healthy food choices for her even if she may not like them.
Today my efforts paid off!! My daughter hasn't eating pudding in months because I replaced pudding with yogurt and my personal favorite Greek yogurt, so when she saw that my sister had pudding she asked for some and I let her have one. Half way into eating the pudding she came to me and told me that she did not want the pudding because "... it has too much sugar mommy." I was so pleasantly shocked, because even when I used to buy pudding for her I would buy sugar and fat free so her taste buds got "trained" to less sugar.
Then the other day she and my nephew were offered bite sized Oreo cookies and she said no. I was so shocked and proud of her then of course my sister, Raven, jokingly teased me for raising a "health nut."
What I'm trying to say in a long winded post is that when you make healthy choices and place them upon your children your children themselves will start to make their own healthy choices which can last a life time. Just think about it when your child(ren) was a baby you wanted to make sure they had the best formula to help your baby develop correctly and be healthy too. Some, like myself, choose to breast feed because breast milk is the best milk, so why start to feed them "junk" when they get older?
Don't get me wrong sometimes I come to find that my "healthy" choices aren't so healthy and I'm shocked, but I'm also happy when I make these discoveries because it means that I am conscious of what I put in my mouth and that now I can find a truly healthy choice.
Eating healthy can seem like a HUGE task to take on but taking small steps can lead to BIG life long changes. I started to pay attention to labels and nutritional information when I finally realized, abruptly, that I really needed to lose weight. At this point I was up to 160 pounds and was eating horribly. Some small steps that I made were just normal things I should have been doing all along.

Small steps to help you and your child(ren) get started:
  • Wheat bread instead of white
    • Wheat bread has whole grains which keep you fuller longer.
  • Stop or reduce all the condiments!
    • I used to basically DRINK BBQ sauce, not a good look
    • Condiments are often packed full of unnecessary calories
      • What I did to help replace condiments was season and let the food marinate better and longer. This way there was a lesser need for condiments
  • OLIVE oil
    • Olive oil is better for your blood system, heart and brain while some other oils are just fat
    • Olive oil can also replace butters and or margarine
  • Choosing labels that said less sodium, low fat and or no sugar
    • Sodium keeps and traps extra water in the body and leads to long term health problems like diabetes
    • Low fat just sounds good. Less fat means less fat! :)
    • No sugar is what I looked for when buying pudding, snacks or juices for my daughter
  • Juice VS Drink
    • I often say Dave Chapelles stand up/ skit about juice vs drink.
    • Buy yourself and your kid(s) JUICE not drink
    • Drink=Sugar. Juice= Fruit Juice
    • One of my favorite fruit juices are Bolt House Green Machine and V8 blends
      • Both of these juices have both real vegetables and FRUIT juice in them.
      • This can help you and your family get the necessary daily fruits and vegetables
  • Read your labels and do your own research on what a healthy diet should be.
  • Drink plenty of water and skip the energy drinks
    • Energy drinks are NO BUENO, they are full of sugars, calories and addicting
    • At first I would drink Powerade Zero. This sports drink has Zero calories and zero sugars which is healthier however, I now drink Coco Nut water.
Thank you for reading and remember that what you feed your children now is what they will eat for the rest of their lives, so continue an aid them with a healthy start to life. If you have any healthy choices share them with me I would like to hear new ideas and suggestions.
Thank you for reading!
Please remember that I am not a doctor, dietitian or nutritionist and that the above things are only suggestions that I used. Please do not sue me! :)