Thursday, December 6, 2012

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child and I'm Sick of Being a One PersonVillage

Let me preface this post with a few things:

  • I know my life is better than a lot have it. 
  • I do get help from people. 
  • My living situation isn't all that bad.
HOWEVER, THIS IS ME COMPLAINING, if you don't want to read about me complaining stop now.

I am sick and tired of being a one person village. While my blog/life may seem like I "have it all together" I don't. In fact i'm far from that. Yes, I have come a long way, further than society and statistics told tell me. But I have so much further that I want to go. 

This is my day:

  • Wake up at 6:30 am. 
  • Drop Leilani off to school at 8am
  • Get to subway to start my one hour commute to school
  • Arrive at 9am
  • Get out of class at 2
  • Rush home to get Leilani
  • Cook, help Leilani with homework, do dishes, spend time with her
  • Try to get her into bed by 8pm so I can pay attention to myself, my homework and the house. 
You tell me where I have time to: study or really do homework or go to the library or do research or work real hours to start saving up money or dedicate more time to writing and the advocacy work that I do?
I'm usually in bed by 10pm because i'm too tired for anything else. 
I have no one that picks her up from school for me, no one that helps clean the house, cook, organize, help her with her homework, help me with my homework NOTHING! 
Mind you I live with someone. 

I feel like I have to be the good mom, good daughter, cook, house cleaner, intern, employee. I feel like i'm having deja vu. 

If you read my last post, you know that although I do get help here and there it's not enough. It doesn't allow me to really delve into my school, work, projects or being a mother let alone that strange thing called paying attention to oneself. 

My bottom line is I want my own place. I can't have Leilani all the way uptown while i'm downtown and have my days end at 3pm and feel like i'm moving forward. 

I'm not sure if this post made much sense. 
All I know is I NEED my own place. I need a place to be able to be the mother, student, employee and PERSON I want to be. I want HELP. I want MY OWN STRESS and no one else's. I want to know that if I clean a house it will stay clean or dirty as long as I want it to. My life feels like it is in a constant state of stress and my living situation doesn't help. 

I WANT MY OWN LIFE with Leilani already!