Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Appreciating the Support you Have and not Focusing on the Support You Don't Have

One very important lesson I learned recently is accepting the support you have received and are receiving.
Let me be clear that I am NOT talking about money! Money IS NOT everything; it is one thing. 

Before I became pregnant my relationship with my parents was not good. My mother and my relationship was more of a squatter/landlord relationship than a nurturing mother/daughter relationship and I don't fault her completely for it. My father and I were not speaking at the time- still not entirely sure why-but when I became pregnant they WERE "THERE"!

My mother-and her boyfriend- didn't kick me out.

We argued, we fought, I didn't speak to her for a while, we pissed each other off beyond belief, and she wasn't the most emotionally supportive person. However, she DID cook for me (sometimes) to make sure my diet was healthy, would drive me to some of my appointments, would do my hair to help me feel beautiful even when I felt fat and ugly, make sure that I got enough rest, and she was at my side when I gave birth; just to name a few things.

My sisters were ALWAYS there for me. ALWAYS!
Sometimes we fought, sometimes we argued, but they were ALWAYS there for me in any way they could be! They would call, my oldest sister who lived with us at the time use to come into my room while I was sleeping and wake me up because she just wanted to "make sure I was okay and/or talk to her niece or nephew." They were there to tell people to back the F-off when they would become overtly rude or judgement.

A few teachers at school would ask how I was doing, how I felt, how far a long I was, and even congratulated me on having a healthy child and returning to school so soon. Some of my teachers even helped me raise money to travel to New York City-when I lived in Florida-to sing in Carnegie Hall with the rest of my chorus class.

My bus driver was even a form of support. Her smile and compassion made riding a school bus full of annoying and typical high school students that more pleasurable.

Leilani's father-and my boyfriend at the time-was also there for me.

My pregnancy wasn't a healthy, happy, sunshines and rainbows experience all the time but I did have more support than I initially realized.

The problem was that I wasn't fully acknowledging or aware of the support because it wasn't always the support I WANTED or NEEDED but NO ONE will ever know how to support and help you the way you want them to without you TELLING them how you need to be supported and helped.

Be clear in what you need and people will make the best effort to help you with it. 
DO NOT under-mind or forget the support and help you do get. And more importantly do NOT assume people will just magically know what you need and how you need it. No one is a mind reader. 

From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU everyone that was there for me!