Thursday, September 12, 2013

Depressing Ramblings

Leilani can't go to her new school until her old school releases her. This means I can't go to class and neither can she. 

I'm extremely scared that I might get dropped from my classes which will cause me to lose my scholarships and lose a semester of school. This ultimately means I will not be able to graduate May of next year like I should. 

Leilani's upset because the old school is playing chicken and she can't go to her new school. 

I feel like I'm going through a quarter life crisis because I have one year left to "get my life together" before graduation and I don't feel confident in what I want to do or be in the years to come.

My schedule and lack of consistent help with Leilani makes it almost impossible to get a "real job" and really even if I got one I'm not sure it would pay me enough so I can afford a quality sitter. 

My lack of not knowing what or where I want to be coupled with my fear of failing is paralyzing me and depressing me. 

All I feel like doing is crying.
I don't like feeling sad and then Im upset for feeling sad because in the grand scale of things my life is great. 

But can't I feel sad too? Can't I feel lost? 

I know these feelings are temporary but I feel terrible.