Friday, July 18, 2014

Weight Gain and Crop Tops

It is no surprise I have gained weight recently. I've gone through what I call second puberty and too much stress within the last 4 months, both of these things combined resulted in weight gain for me.

For those of you who do not know second puberty is basically going through puberty again after your initial preteen/teen puberty stage. My hips, butt, thighs, and breast have all gotten bigger. None of my pants fit anymore, the little dance I do to get my jeans over my thighs no longer works, and up until last week I could not remember the last time I tried on jeans and they actually fit. 

As I cleaned out my closet I realized that my H &M business casual slacks with the zipper on the side that have accompanied me to many visits in Washington, D.C. and conferences have no chance in hell of ever getting past my knees again. 

Then school and life came at me super fast (and strangely enough slowly at the same time) the beginning part of this year.
I was in my final semester of college, on the verge of failing, found out I would not be really graduating, Leilani was yet again having problems with her terrible school and coming home with panic attacks, I had no time to eat between traveling, homework, parenting, and trying to sleep so I started putting on weight. 

At first I freaked out. I kept telling myself I HAVE TO WORK OUT! I HAVE TO SO I WONT BE FAT (again)

But I really and truly did not have the energy to work out in large part because I wasn't really eating enough food and because I was mostly running on no sleep and too many cups of coffee (which my caffeine sensitive body can not deal with). If I had any extra time to work out it would (and did go) to me completing a school assignment, playing Guess Who? with Leilani, or sleeping. 

Between second puberty, life stress, and slowly reintroducing eggs and fish into my diet I gained weight. 

Then I woke up one morning and told myself who gives a DAMN!? Yes,  I need to work out, not to be skinny but to be healthy. There is no logical reason as to why, at the age of 24 with no real medical health problems my joints should be hurting and going up the stairs leaves me without breath. 

But as far as working out so I can be skinny, I really don't give a damn. 

My butt and hips are big, thats just what it is and to be honest I've always liked my butt so I'm not about to run on a treadmill for hours to lose it, my boobs have been through the ringer for my age so I am happily welcoming some growth there too, and as far as people who say "well what about men, won't you start dating soon?" I don't want to date a shallow minded guy who is more worried about my pant size than I am. 

So I say it loudly and proudly,  I will not be apologizing for my weight gain with my words or my clothes. This is the summer of bikinis and crop tops!